Thank you to the women who took the time to send in their sentiments to be featured as part of this post. I am so honoured to include your voices and know that this advice is that much more fulsome because of your additions.
Holy moly it’s been a year, and I have so much advice I could share with new moms. I honestly can’t believe this little potato I brought home from the hospital is already a year old. It’s gone by quickly, but not always! As they say, the days are long, but the years are short. It’s a cliche because it’s true.
Want to see some highlights from our first year with baby? Check out the video on Instagram or Facebook.
There were definitely days, weeks, and even months where we struggled through different challenging phases and stages. Colic, reflux, sleep regressions, and that week or two where he was intent on walking but couldn’t quite take steps on his own yet. My lower back is still recovering.
Now that I’ve got my cheesy sentiments out of the way, I want to share what I’ve learned during my first year of parenthood. The things I wish I knew this time last year, that no book (as I read several) told me about.
Throughout this post, you’ll also find advice, hacks, tips, and tricks from other moms and women who have contributed their ideas for this post. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for being a part of the STRUCKBLOG community! It means so much to me.
“This advice isn’t just for new moms, but I think that it’s best to start when they’re young. Talk to them. Talk TO them, not at them. Don’t just say, “No”. Explain why. Be patient. And be willing to have uncomfortable conversations. It will pay off when they are teenagers and trust you with their worst problems. Not new mom material, I know, but it’s the best advice I can ever hope to share.” – @Lori_Dawnolyn in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
“Book your hair, nails, eyebrows, massage, whatever for the next 6 months in advance. Then go. Stop. Breathe. Put down the laundry. Don’t make dinner. Just rest.” – @ae_irvine in London, Ontario, Canada.
If you’re expecting (maybe you know someone who is) or are a brand new mama being held hostage by a sleeping newborn as you read this, I hope this advice helps you.
“Everything is a phase, don’t overthink it. If it’s good, enjoy it, if it’s bad, I promise it will pass. Also, do what you need to do for you to sustain good mental health. If that means a dummy, bottle feeding, going to baby groups or not going, doing things you said you wouldn’t do/are worried people may judge you for, do it. It doesn’t make you a bad mum, but it’s much more likely to make you a happy and healthier one” – Becci of Bite-Sized Chunks in Liverpool, United Kingdom.
Fussy Baby? Feel Like Nothing is Working? This Will.
My mother-in-law gave me the best advice during those first few days of newborn survival. When nothing is working to calm a fussy cranky baby, go for a walk. In the instances when they won’t sleep, won’t eat well, and you’re pulling your hair out trying to figure out what on earth is the matter, bust out the stroller.
I remember one instance when Lucas was still tiny. I had spent more time putting him to sleep than he did staying asleep. When he promptly woke like a total cranky pants I didn’t even bother to take him out of his pajamas. I put him in the stroller hoping he was still drowsy and would fall asleep while out for a walk. Let me tell you, this worked every darn time. I used that trick for months and months (bonus, I swear it helped me lose the baby weight, my advice on that is in this post). I don’t know how I would have survived all of those nap strike days with a newborn who wouldn’t sleep in his own bed if not for this advice.
Now, at the one year mark, if Lucas is teething, sick, or cranky for whatever inexplicable reason, I still do this. I don’t expect him to fall asleep anymore as he likes to take in his surroundings, but it certainly curbs the whining the second he feels that fresh air!
I have become such a stroller mama that as chillier months approached I worried about how I would continue to do this throughout the winter. But, we’re well into the season now and I don’t think there has been a week where I haven’t gone for a walk on 2-3 occasions (cranky baby or not). Fresh air is magical for both of us! If you too live in a cold climate get yourself this three-season footmuff. It’s a gamechanger and makes winter walks cozy and convenient (I love that I can just unzip it if I can’t help but pop into a store while we’re out and Lucas isn’t roasting in a snowsuit).
“What makes life easier: routine and sticking to a schedule! Wake up, feed baby, play, she’s then usually happy enough to play on her own – I make the bed, organize the room, make coffee and breakfast. By then she’s ready to change positions so I can hold her and play while I eat (if I don’t get to eat before).
PJs with zippers for day or night! These are a lifesaver especially when you’re up in the middle of the night and having a hard time keeping your own eyes open.
Buy yourself a pretty bottle for your coffee! I’m not a fan of cold coffee (although as a mom you drink it anyways because well, CAFFEINE!) so this is a life saving hack for me!
Finally, do bottle service for formula feedings – clean and sterilize your bottles in the morning or before going to bed so you have a set ready for the coming hours. Also, fill the bottles with water so all you have to do is drop in the formula when you need it. I do this 24/7 so I never have to try to do any of this with one hand.” – Claudia of The Prettier Life in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.
When nothing is working to calm a fussy cranky baby, go for a walk. In the instances when they won’t sleep, won’t eat well, and you’re pulling your hair out trying to figure out what on earth is the matter, bust out the stroller. Even in winter with a footmuff.
“Take care and be easy on yourself because although wonderful, momming can be hard! @brialexxandra of Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
Never Leave Home Without Food
I think this will apply from here on out, honestly. I’m gonna be stashing snacks for this kid until he’s in his teens!
When Lucas was a newborn I primarily breastfed him, so I wouldn’t leave home without my breastfeeding cover, my nursing pads, and my milkies milk savers (you need these if you’re a nursing mama on the go and are saving every drop of breastmilk for later). I also pumped, so I usually had a bottle stashed in the diaper bag just in case I needed it. Now that he’s eating solid foods, I’ve always got crackers and/or teething wafers at the ready.
Just never leave home without food, ever. Lucas can go from zero to hangry on a dime, but I don’t worry about it because I’m prepared. If he starts to cry and whine when we just got to someone’s house for a visit, a teething wafer cookie always solves the problem.
“I wish I knew it was OK to have a lazy day and not feel guilty about it. I used to jam pack every waking second with things that were developmental or fun and then I would be exhausted 24/7 and not really able to enjoy any of it. So advice, SLOW DOWN.”- @mrslizlombard in Orange County, California, USA.
“First off, it’s OK to not be ok. I struggled with postpartum depression after (childbirth) and about killed myself with guilt that I wasn’t handling things in my life. I wish I would have known that it was ok to feel how I was feeling, that those feelings were valid and that I should have asked for help. I didn’t have to do it alone.
All your baby really needs is you! On those nights where they’re crying or sick, or have a rash or can’t sleep, or whatever, notice they feel most comforted in the arms of mama. Mama, you will be exhausted trying to figure out what they need, but take a deep breath and realize YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are all they need. It’s ok to just sit and hold them for however long it takes, don’t feel guilty about all the other things you should be doing, just take the time to sit and be there for your baby and enjoy it.
Everyone will give you advice. Every. Single. Person. It’s great, but it’s most important that you trust your own gut! Take what people say with a grain of salt, listen but do your research, and then make your own decision. You truly do know what’s best for you and your own baby.” – Jess of Hey Sunny Jess Salt Lake City, Utah, USA.
Stash Toys Here, There, and Everywhere
If you read that header and thought oh no, I don’t want toys all over my house and taking over my living room, I hear you. I’m not suggesting you turn your home into a toy store. But if your kid has a lot of toys like mine does, you can definitely be strategic about where you store them so that it’s neat and convenient when you need them.
I have one or two toys on the changing table that keep Lucas busy while I’m changing his diaper. I have a few that live in our key bowl by the front door that he fiddles with while we’re getting ready to head out. I keep my loose parts basket in the kitchen so I can clean up the dishes after meals and still keep an eye on him as he plays independently (if you want to know how to make one, head to this post). There are also a few toys that live in our car and keep him busy while we’re going from one place to another. They’re not always the same toys in the same places, they get rotated naturally which also keeps him interested.
So although I have toys ready all over the place, my house isn’t a crazy unorganized mess! It just makes my life easier by keeping Lucas busy and allows me to spend less time picking up toys and stuff around the house. I just put things back as we go so the house isn’t a disaster by the end of the day. The little egg-shaped shaker goes back in the key bowl as we head out, and when we arrive back home he can revisit it while I hang up our coats. No jackets draped over the couch, and no crying bored baby.
“My biggest mom hack that I can share with the world? COUNT YOUR MINUTES!? Let me explain.
I started counting my minutes because like any mom, the day to day stuff that has to get done in order for your home to run and run smoothly is A LOT! I was getting to the point where all I felt like I was doing was cleaning up after my kids and raising my voice.
Every time I would walk into a messy room I was upset. Every time I would see the sink full of dishes I would think “not again.” Every time I had to empty the dishwasher, fold another onesie, make another meal, sweep up after breakfast, make a school lunch, vacuum the crumbs off the carpet, put away 85 crayons that were thrown all the over the floor, I would feel depleted and resentful for every little thing I had to do. I felt awful feeling this way but being a mom is no joke. We are in charge of so many things and we WANT to do it all but it’s tough.
Now, I do know two things. 1. This season won’t last forever and 2. Babies and kids don’t keep and I know with every fibre of my being that as my kids get older, I will miss being needed so much. I will miss being the common figure that made the house a home and an inviting place where everyone wants to be.
So what did I do to get this feeling out of my head of being a constant servant? I started counting my minutes. Every task I did, I would time how long it would take me and I would write it all down. After keeping track for nearly a month, I realized that if I am up 16 hours of the day, approximately 2 hours of my day is spent doing all of the things that I was dreading. TWO HOURS! Seems pretty small right when you look at it that way doesn’t it?
So now, that’s what I do. Every time I am met with that feeling of “UGH” which is still a lot because let’s face it, I am human, I am quickly reminded of the actual time that it takes me to do something instead of the task itself. Thinking of it this way has been life changing for me and how my days go now. I want that same feeling for you. So, next time you feel stressed about all the things that have to get done, take a moment and time yourself.
I hope it will help you as much as it has helped me.” Melissa of Mom and Hustle in Carlton Place, Ontario, Canada
Have one or two toys on the changing table to keep them busy while you’re changing their diaper, a few by the front door for entertainment while you’re getting ready to head out. Keep a loose parts basket in the kitchen so you can clean up after meals while they play independently. Finally, keep a few toys in the car to keep them busy while going from one place to another.
“You cannot spoil a baby with too much love. Don’t let people tell you that you’re ‘making a rod for your own back’, it’s all about survival and happiness and for me, that’s baby wearing and snuggles and responding to my baby when he needs me” – Codie of Codiekinz.co in Southport, United Kingdom.
“What I wish I knew before becoming a mom: Other moms can make it look easy on social media, but they’re struggling with the hard moments just like you are. What did I do on a daily basis that made life easier with a baby: Wake up knowing that each day is a gift and each smile a future memory I wish I could have back.” – Kimberley of kimberleyfalk.com in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
Baby Sleep Means…
Oh, baby sleep. No topic is more discussed or controversial for new parents. We struggled hard with this. Lucas has never been a naturally good sleeper (as I eluded to above when I chatted stroller naps). As a result, however, I learned a whole lot about teaching baby to sleep independently.
It’s a whole topic in of itself, but have the basics in place to help you get your baby to sleep. That means white noise, swaddle/sleep sack (dependent on age), and blackout curtains (make it dark, like really dark). Have these pillars in place from day one. We made the mistake of not knowing about these things and would rock Lucas to classical music and wonder why he didn’t stay asleep more than 20-30 minutes. Get a routine in place for bedtime, consider sleep training if you’ve also got a non-sleeper (this is an awesome Facebook group I’m a part of that taught me a lot). For more advice on the products I’d consider 0-5 month essentials and how to use them, check out my post Newborn to Infant Baby Essentials.
Baby sleep means swaddle/sleepsack (depending on age), white noise, blackout curtains (even removeable/travel ones), and a solid bedtime routine.
“New mommy mental health. In general I feel a lot of us are afraid or ashamed to talk about how we feel, to seek help, the lack of help, the need to talk but not really having anyone to talk to and just putting a mask on everyday to cover it all and pretend it is all great. That we have it all under control. Just so we can just get through the day and then hide again…
It is so important to talk about this as being a new mom can be terrifying, nerve racking, mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting.
So my advice to a new mom is to never forget to take care of yourself and you mental health! To take care of this new baby of yours you need to be happy and be in a happy is a state of mind.” @salamon.photography in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
“Follow your intuition as a mom!” – Joanna of Joannaanastasia.com in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.
Be Strategic with Baby Clothing
This is especially necessary if you live in a four-season climate like me. What fits Lucas one day is too small the next, so I am always purchasing clothing ahead so that I have it at the ready. While shopping I think about what season it will be and what the weather will be like outside to determine what clothing to buy. In our case, Lucas has always been ahead of the sizing on the garment label. At 6 months he was wearing 9-month clothing, at 9 months wearing 12-month clothing, and now at a year old, he’s in 18-month pieces.
But, one thing I never do with new clothing is cut off the tags. I simply just hang pieces in the closet and sometimes stuff the receipt in the pockets (if I have the foresight). Either way, most stores will at least let you exchange the clothing if you have the tags on, which has come in handy on more than one occasion when the sizing and season haven’t aligned.
Keep it Neutral: When it comes to baby clothing, I’ve also learned to keep certain things gender-neutral when possible. Things like pajamas and outerwear (this also applies to a lot of baby stuff like bedsheets, blankets, and swaddles) make great hand-me-downs for a future baby as they’re less likely to get stained (if they don’t eat meals in it, it will probably last longer).
Be Thrifty: They grow so quick I would highly recommend thrifting and buying second-hand. Babies don’t wear their clothes long enough to wear them out. I’ve saved a ton buying off other moms on Facebook Marketplace, and if I linked up with a mom who’s child was just a bit older than Lucas, I’ve purchased in bulk from them repeatedly! If I’m looking for something specific I always look in local thrift shops before buying anything new.
“Firstly, you’re not doing anything wrong, majority of babies refuse to sleep well the first few months. The best thing you can do is find time for you to take naps, a hot shower, 15 minutes of quiet or a meditation app. It’s important for moms to mindfully work these self care routines in as soon as the baby comes – it may seem impossible and you may feel selfish, but trust me – down the road it will save you.
Second, don’t trust too many of the set ‘milestones’, all children develop at their own pace. Talk with other moms but don’t compare where your child ‘should be’ as everyone will offer a different opinion.
Third, get on waitlists for childcare. Do this basically as soon as you find out you’re pregnant if your plan is to go back to work, and even if it’s not, consider investing in part-time care. The daycare world is much more than it seems. Not only do you gain caring educators for your child, but you gain teammates. You are not in this alone!
Regression is normal. In fact, a constant steady pace forward with no backward in the world of children’s learning doesn’t happen often. They are not robots, they are tiny humans who just like us, will sometimes need to fall backwards to know how to proceed forwards. My favourite saying as an educator is ‘the pendulum will always swing back’. Hang in there during times of trouble.
Finally, no. You are not doing anything wrong. Yes, you are a good, great, best-you-can-be parent. Reading books helps, blogs help, advice from friends helps, but don’t get lost in the information. Trust yourself, find your mommy tribe and remember, that self care routine is essential. We must show our children how to live a life of balance instead of trying to teach them to balance it all and smile. – @caylortiz of Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
“I would impart, love. That word. That there is no other love like the love like we have for our children. Unconditional.” Catherine of Mylipaddiction.com in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
When it comes to baby clothing, I’ve also learned to keep certain things gender-neutral when possible. Things like pajamas and outerwear (this also applies to a lot of baby stuff like bedsheets, blankets, and swaddles).
“Don’t forget about yourself.” – @allisongrange.co in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
Adopt an Easy Attitude
When my husband returned to work and I had to go to get groceries by myself for the first time with a newborn, I was mildly terrified. What if Lucas started screaming at the top of his lungs while I bagged produce? What if I had to nurse him in the cereal aisle? What would other people think if it became obvious that I don’t actually know what I’m doing?
The answer to all of these anxious worries is no one cares! Seriously.
The truth is most people are fairly self-absorbed and won’t be paying any attention to you. If your baby starts to cry, do what you need to do. Worst comes to worst, you abandon your cart, apologize to the employees, and order online pick up. But honestly, babies cry, everyone knows that. No one is going to think lesser of your parenting skills because your kid is crying. If someone is judging you, who cares (they’ve clearly never been where you are). Be supportive of your fellow parent. Last week I saw a mama stop in the middle of the aisle at Costco, prop herself up on a bunch of boxes and nurse her baby. What a superstar mama! I gave her props as I walked by.
Something about motherhood really changed my attitude and outlook on this. I just don’t care what other people think as much as I used to. Motherhood brought out a fiercely protective and instinctual side of me. If it’s best for me, my family, and my baby but someone else doesn’t like it, too bad for them!
For some reason, parenting is such a controversial topic. Everyone has got an opinion (and you’ll hear a lot of them as a new mom). Be prepared to stand up for your parenting beliefs as you figure out what they are.
Someone else is not smarter than you just because they have more kids than you or are older than you are. Trust your own instincts mama. The more you do, the louder you’ll hear them. Remember, your priority is your child. Never you mind what some other adult thinks!
“Trust your gut no matter what. You will have to advocate for that little soul when no one else can. You know your baby best. When you think something is wrong and the first doctor/nurse or ‘professional’ tells you all is well, but you have that inkling that its not, keep digging. Second and third opinions. Trust your gut. Especially in this cold season where some are quick to tell you its just a virus and doesnt require medicine. Also, swaddles do wonders for keeping baby asleep in the early days. Reach out to other mamas, that is by far the best way to get through motherhood. It takes a village and you are not alone. – @romycl_ in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
“If your baby is clean, safe and secure in their crib it’s okay to let them cry while you grab a quick shower or put that load of laundry in, make that cup of coffee you’re in need of etc. This will truly help your sanity of feeling human and not just like a milk dispenser/diaper changer on those long days being home alone. Make time for you even if it’s just a quick 10 minutes, plus your baby might even learn to self soothe.” – @mindful.mom.of.one in Amherstview, Ontario, Canada
Be Flexible with the Schedule
This was such a struggle for me. I am a planner. I have a to-do list for the day, a schedule to adhere to, and places to be. Baby, however, doesn’t always get the memo. He has other plans.
This is just how it goes. The second you make plans, your child will make their own. Gotta be somewhere for a certain time? You might be late because that’s the one day they sleep longer than they ever do. Meeting friends for a play date? Baby may wake up with a fever. This is just how it goes! If you don’t adopt a flexible attitude you’re putting yourself at risk for a mental breakdown. Have a plan, but be aware that it may not actually happen that way.
As I am someone who likes to be organized about their day, I had Lucas on a routine from about 5 weeks old (this book is a great guide if you need help managing their day). Although it was great to have feedings and naps timed out to avoid overtiredness or a hangry baby, I quickly became a slave to our schedule. I didn’t want to go places or make plans in case it negatively impacted our routine.
Have a routine and learn how to manage baby’s day, naps, feeds, and awake time. But don’t become a slave to the schedule.
This my friends is no way to live! I found I quickly felt bored with my day and isolated from other people (sorry kiddo, but until you have words you’re not much of a conversationalist). Don’t do what I did. Go to playgroup, reach out to mamas and schedule a date. You’ll feel much better being out and about, and if it throws off your schedule a little, don’t worry. It will teach baby to be resilient, flexible, and you’ll be back to regularly scheduled programing the next day without a hitch.
“Do what is best for your family! Follow your ‘inner mama instinct’ and don’t explain yourself to others. Know you are the best mama to your little human. Never ever doubt that.” – @oliverandmama in Brampton, Ontario, Canada.
“Don’t lose yourself, yes becoming a mom is amazing and yes you change but you also are still the same person. You can have different priorities now but still the same interests. Playgroups are great for hanging with other moms and having you kids meet kids their age. Getting out with baby to do all kinds of things can be great BUT you need to still have time to be you. Take an art class, have a girls night, see a movie! Don’t be shamed about wanting to talk about your baby all night even after it took you a month to find that ‘perfect trusted babysitter’ and you even shaved your legs to fit into your pre-pregnancy dress to go out for apps and drinks with the girls. Also, know it’s totally okay if you don’t want to talk about your baby all night. ‘Mom brain’ is legit and I almost became socially awkward after becoming a mom. In the first couple of months of baby being born I was first healing then once healed I still didn’t get out much due to baby having.
I was home and husband was back to work after the first two weeks, so I wasn’t used to talking very much besides a soft voice to baby. The first time after about 3-4 months at home that I went out with friends I realized I had lost my voice. I had to figure out how to really project my voice again to be heard in loud restaurants. I would try to carry on conversations but basic words were a loss to me and then I felt dumb being halfway through a sentence and not being able to continue to articulate my thoughts. This was very frustrating since I have always been a very outgoing talkative person. It wasn’t until 9 months postpartum I was actually comfortable hanging in groups again.
So, be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself. Childbirth is a huge life altering event and the effects on you mentally, physically and emotionally are unmeasurable. Can it be crazy and tough? Sure. Is it worth it? Absolutely!” – @mindful.mom.of.one in Amherstview, Ontario, Canada
Thank you once again to all the wonderful women who took to the time to share their thoughts with me to feature here. Do you have any advice that comes to mind for the new parents out there? Be sure to leave them in the comments below! After all, it truly does take a village.
“Enjoy every moment coz they grow up so fast.” – @msmashupblog in San Francisco, California, USA.
Ain’t that the truth…
Anna
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