While I was pregnant I loved reading delivery stories. I suppose it’s because as a first-time mom who had never experienced labour first-hand, I was naturally curious.
Photos by Hart and Stem Photography, taken at 37 weeks (the week before I delivered, just in time!)
One of the most challenging things I found about being pregnant was the receipt of unsolicited advice. I know it’s coming from a good place, but it’s like tidbits of info were constantly flying my way from other women who had been there. Some of this advice caused me anxiety, and a whole lot of pondering about what my experience would be like the closer I got to my due date (which was February 25th, 2019, not that I ever made it that far).
I wondered whether or not it would play out the way I hoped or imagined.
The answer? Yes and no.
I wondered whether or not it would play out the way I hoped or imagined. The answer? Yes and no.
Pregnancy and delivery are incredible experiences, and I wouldn’t trade mine for anything. I knew long before I went into labour that I too wanted to share my story no matter what it would be for those who are curious or on their own pregnancy journey. The real deal, no bull. Just the truth about how it all happened. So, if you don’t want to hear all the details about my bringing a baby into this world, this is not the post for you! Because this is how it all went down.
The real deal, no bull. Just the truth about how it all happened. So, if you don’t want to hear all the details about my bringing a baby into this world, this is not the post for you! Because this is how it all went down.
A Scary Pregnancy Diagnosis
I had a pretty good pregnancy all around. I can’t complain. I didn’t have any morning sickness, only suffered from heartburn once or twice, and didn’t have to put up with a lot of discomfort until pretty late in the game (back pain, trouble sleeping due to general huge-ness, swelling).
But one rather serious complication I did have to deal with was preeclampsia. If you’re not familiar with the condition it’s basically caused by the placenta getting tired. That’s kinda a big deal as that’s the organ a pregnant woman generates to nourish the baby (yes, not only do you make a human, you also create an entirely new organ). Preeclampsia is actually more dangerous for the mother than the child as our bodies will sacrifice what’s necessary to support the baby. I’m no medical professional, but that’s my understanding of it anyway.
One rather serious complication I did have to deal with was preeclampsia. At 32 weeks, I went off on early mat leave because I had terrible headaches and high blood pressure.
Ultimately at 32 weeks, I went off on early mat leave because I had terrible headaches and my high blood pressure was beginning to cause concern. I had to slow down and take it easy (which was no small feat for this high-energy gal). From that point on I was carefully monitored at my prenatal appointments for early signs of the condition. The goal was to make sure the baby stayed right where he/she was (we didn’t find out what the sex of the baby was) for as long as possible, without putting my own health at risk.
Not According to my Birth Plan
On Tuesday, February 13, I headed into my OB for my regular weekly checkup. She conducted a few extra tests, but nothing drastically out of the ordinary. Nonetheless, I had no idea that some unexpected news was coming my way.
I had no idea that some unexpected news was coming my way.
I remember sitting on the couch speaking to my doctor on the phone as my husband dug us out from yet another snowfall outside. She explained that after reviewing the test results she was sending me to the hospital for blood work. From this point onwards there were a few ways this could play out.
The blood work could come back fine, and we’d continue monitoring with precaution. Alternatively, it could signal early-onset preeclampsia, at which point I would be admitted. I remember asking her what this meant exactly, while still trying to remember to breathe. She said we should make sure we leave the house with our hospital bag and bucket seat in the car, as we’d most likely be coming home with a baby.
My doctor sent me to the hospital for blood work and told me we should make sure we leave the house with our hospital bag and bucket seat in the car, as we’d most likely be coming home with a baby.
So you know, I hang up and sit blankly on the couch staring into space while thinking OMG WHAT!? I was going to watch the next episode of How to Get Away with Murder, and now this is happening!?
In all honesty, as we headed into the hospital I think I was in serious denial as I felt totally fine. I thought nah, the doctor is just being cautious. I don’t feel any different than usual. Maybe this was my way of coping with this sudden possible reality. I was only 38 weeks and a few days along. I still had things in the nursery I wanted to finish organizing. As my husband and I waited in the hospital room to get the blood work back we were looking at movie showtimes on his phone, and I was making plans to hit up some sales for winter baby clothes I knew would be going on clearance right around now.
I think I was in serious denial as I felt totally fine. I was only 38 weeks and still had things in the nursery I wanted to finish organizing. As I waited to get the blood work I was looking at movie showtimes and making plans to hit up some sales for winter baby clothes.
So how did I feel when the nurse came back and announced that I did indeed have early-onset preeclampsia and wasn’t going anywhere? Some combination of utter shock and complete terror.
This is really happening, like, NOW!?
Surprise! You’re Being Induced
I won’t lie, although I was obviously shocked I also felt a little disappointed. I knew in that moment that I wasn’t going to experience some of the things I imagined in my mind. My water breaking at home (hopefully, and not somewhere public or on someone’s shoe), timing contractions until it was time to head in. I was scared. I was going to be induced when I had pictured everything happening naturally in its own time. I knew in my rational mind that this was what was best for our health, but it was just so sudden. I couldn’t believe that soon I would get to meet my little one, but I was also anxious about what I would have to do to get there.
I was scared. I was going to be induced when I had pictured everything happening naturally in its own time. I knew in my rational mind that this was what was best for our health, but it was just so sudden.
We’ve all heard stories about labour, that the pain is indescribable. My husband and I had attended prenatal classes, learned about pain management techniques, the available medications, and how to work together to get through delivery. But at that moment it really hit me. That baby I’ve been growing in there has to come out, pronto. The moment is actually here. It’s all up to me. Can I do it? Do I have what it takes to get through this? What if I don’t? Not like I have a choice at this point right!? AH.
I looked at myself in the mirror, hard. I talked myself up. I knew all I could do was rely on my instincts, and trust that my body would know what to do.
I looked at myself in the mirror, hard. I talked myself up. I knew all I could do was rely on my instincts, and trust that my body would know what to do.
Instead of going about my day as planned (like I said, I had a date with Netflix), I was given a membrane sweep and the doctor inserted a foley balloon catheter to get things going. Yes, that is what it sounds like, a balloon in your nether regions that opens up the cervix. Neither the sweep nor this party trick was as bad as I thought it might be. But, I still didn’t feel like the show had really begun.
Instead of going about my day as planned I was given a membrane sweep and the doctor inserted a foley balloon catheter to get things going before we hunkered down for the night.
My husband pulled out the cot beside my hospital bed and we hunkered down for the night. I slept as well as can be expected while simultaneously envisioning what the next 24 hours would look like. I hoped that the balloon was working its magic (I couldn’t feel anything happening), and prayed that although we were telling my body it was time to prepare (instead of the other way around), it would cooperate in a reasonable amount of time.
I was so relieved to hear that by morning I was 4cm dilated and that we would be moving to the delivery room. This emotion was immediately followed by an overwhelming internal dialogue that sounded something like this: holy crap this is happening, it’s time to do this, omg can I do this? I can’t do this, this is going to be so hard, omg, omg, omg – I’m paraphrasing, but I believe this fairly accurately portrays the waves of panic inside my head.
My internal dialogue sounded something like this: holy crap this is happening, it’s time to do this, omg can I do this? I can’t do this, this is going to be so hard, omg, omg, omg – I’m paraphrasing, but I believe this fairly accurately portrays the waves of panic inside my head.
Contractions and Back Labour
At this point, things happened very quickly yet way too slowly. The doctors broke my water and administered oxytocin to start my contractions. And boy, did this ever work.
Oxytocin is a hormone your body naturally releases when you go into labour. But, when you’re induced, it’s hard to know how much of the hormone your body will need to facilitate this. Apparently, I didn’t need much. The contractions came on quickly and with the fire of a thousand suns (I’m being dramatic here but they really friggin hurt). Maybe the backaches I had in the weeks previous were a sign of this, but the pain was all in my lower back. I was experiencing what is fondly referred to as ‘back labour’. Yes, I’m being totally facetious as it was utterly excruciating and I was not a fan whatsoever.
Have you ever watched videos online of women in labour and gawked in awe at their focus? I was always so struck by how ‘in the zone’ women appeared. How they couldn’t care less who was around and what they looked and sounded like.
Yep, this is completely authentic.
Have you ever watched videos online of women in labour and gawked in awe at their focus? I was always so struck by how ‘in the zone’ women appeared. How they couldn’t care less who was around and what they looked and sounded like. Yep, this is completely authentic.
When those contractions hit you don’t give a hoot who is watching or listening. You’ll climb up a wall, hang upside down, or do cartwheels if will help you get through it. I lied down, got up, got on all fours, and buried my face into an exercise ball all while breathing and moaning like my life depended on it. I demanded my husband put counterpressure on my lower back like we had learned in class. He was getting a full workout just trying to keep up with me and couldn’t push hard enough on my back to counteract the pain. But I was ever so thankful for him as his efforts helped me get through it. It’s not even funny how much laughing gas I heaved in (ha, get it?) and between that and my array of original sound effects, I couldn’t speak in full sentences. I just barked words like “water” and “more” to communicate what I wanted.
I lied down, got up, got on all fours, and buried my face into an exercise ball all while breathing and moaning like my life depended on it. I couldn’t speak in full sentences. I just barked words like “water” and “more” to communicate what I wanted.
Because of the amount of oxytocin in my system, I wasn’t getting a break in between the contractions. It was becoming impossible to maintain my energy. After about 3.5 hours of this, I was at 6cm dilated. Progress? Yes. But, not enough. I realized that I still had 4cm to go before I could start pushing, and at that moment opted to have the epidural. Something I had had always said I didn’t see myself asking for, but in the end, it was a complete godsend.
Thank you modern medicine.
Epidural? Yes Please
Cue the choir, because the anesthesiologist arrived like an angel sent from heaven to administer the epidural. I don’t even remember what she asked me and what she instructed me to do to be perfectly honest, I just wanted the drugs like, yesterday.
My husband watched the procedure and said seeing the needle go into my back was just awful. I obviously didn’t see a thing. I just felt better almost immediately. All of a sudden the pressure felt like it shifted away from my lower back and into my birth canal. It still hurt, but it felt more natural.
Hallelujah.
All of a sudden the pressure felt like it shifted away from my lower back and into my birth canal. It still hurt, but it felt more natural.
I still felt the contractions but I was able to breathe through them. I could finally lie down, get some rest, and down a few popsicles (I couldn’t eat because of the epidural, but the popsicles felt like fine dining at this point).
Oh, This is Why It’s Called Labour…
Evening arrived and the doctor informed me that I had reached 9cm of dilation. I literally exclaimed shut up! Really? I was pumped that I had a few more centimetres under my belt without much pain thanks to the miracle drug.
About an hour later I was ready to start pushing. I just felt like it was time, my body didn’t want to do anything else. It was a strange sensation as with the epidural I was somewhat numb, but I still felt pressure and this instinctual need to push. With each contraction, I took in as much air into my lungs as I could, grabbed the back of each of my legs and gave it everything I had.
It was a strange sensation as with the epidural I was somewhat numb, but I still felt pressure and this instinctual need to push. With each contraction, I took in as much air into my lungs as I could, grabbed the back of each of my legs and gave it everything I had.
This didn’t come as easily as I thought it might. It took practice. I needed the doctors and nurses to help me focus on where to send all of my energy. How to bear down in such a way that would be most productive and least exhausting. I can’t believe I didn’t pop every blood vessel in my face and eyeballs considering how much pressure I felt as each wave came and went. I couldn’t change positions much because of the epidural. My legs felt very heavy and lying down was the only way I could catch my breath between waves. But they were now spaced far enough apart that I managed to continue for 2.5 hours.
Yes, 2.5 friggin hours of pushing.
In hindsight, I can’t believe it myself.
Pushing and the Ring of Fire
It’s absolutely astounding what a woman’s body can do at that moment. Although I was scared, anxious, nervous, and excited all at the same time, I managed to channel all of that energy to will myself into bringing a tiny human into the world.
My husband Brandon watched the entire thing in awe, and afterward couldn’t stop telling me how astounded he was. We joked about how my stubborn personality really came in handy! I was determined to deliver this baby, no matter how long it took. I wasn’t going to give up. I wanted to have a vaginal delivery, and I wanted to do it on my own without too much (or any further) intervention. I repeated mantras that I made up in my head I can do this, I can push even harder, I’m going to get this baby out! There may have been a few expletives thrown in, but you get the picture.
I wanted to have a vaginal delivery, and I wanted to do it on my own without too much (or any further) intervention. I repeated mantras that I made up in my head: I can do this, I can push even harder, I’m going to get this baby out! There may have been a few expletives thrown in, but you get the picture.
I am so incredibly grateful for the nurses that helped me along the entire day. They were absolutely phenomenal and I don’t think I would have made it through without their coaching. With each push, they’d tell me they could see the head, that the little one had some hair, that the next wave would be the final push. When that did finally happen, what is referred to as the “the ring of fire” (I’m not making that up, it’s actually called that, and accurately so) I felt some combination of incredible pain and overwhelming joy.
Weird combo, right?
The nurses encouraged me by telling me that they could see the head, that the little one had some hair, and that the next wave would be the final push. When that did finally happen I felt some combination of incredible pain and overwhelming joy. Weird combo, right?
It felt indescribably uncomfortable to literally feel a tiny head exiting my body, but it also felt real. After hours of feeling this sensation of pressure, my epidural had completely worn off and I could feel the baby. I could feel just how close I was to meeting him/her. My husband excitedly told me how he could see our baby, right there before his eyes, which fueled me with the last bit of willpower I needed.
After hours of feeling this sensation of pressure, my epidural had completely worn off and I could feel the baby. I could feel just how close I was to meeting him/her. My husband excitedly told me how he could see our baby, right there before his eyes, which fueled me with the last bit of willpower I needed.
That’s when my doctor told me ok Anna, two more pushes and this head is out. I very distinctly remember thinking to myself oh hell no, this hurts like no tomorrow and this head is coming out on the next one damnit, hurry it up, child! In retrospect, we’re pretty sure my doctor played a dirty trick on me to motivate me to get it done, but it totally worked. As the next wave arrived out came the head, and the shoulders shortly after.
This was followed by the most gratifying wave of relief I’ve ever experienced. The satisfaction I had been waiting 9 months and 12 hours to feel. I burst into tears as my doctor exclaimed it’s a boy! and laid this beautiful little being on my chest. Brandon and I just stared at him, and laughed, and cried, all at the same time as this little person came crying into our world and wiggled around on my chest.
Best Valentine’s Present, Ever
And so, our little valentine Lucas was born 10 days early at 7:46pm on February 14, 2019, at 7 pounds 6 ounces.
I’ll never forget this experience, I don’t think any woman does. Although it was hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever done the second Lucas arrived I forgot about it all. The aches and pains, the 12 hours of labour, all completely worth it.
I now understand why women do it over and over again, but I didn’t until he arrived. Becoming a parent is absolutely life-altering. There’s nothing like it. Lucas has turned our world completely upside down. No, seriously, we nap during the day and stay up much of the night, ha!
I now understand why women do it over and over again, but I didn’t until he arrived. Becoming a parent is absolutely life-altering. There’s nothing like it. Lucas has turned our world completely upside down. No, seriously, we nap during the day and stay up much of the night, ha!
Although parenting a newborn is absurdly challenging at times (and we’ve only been at it a few weeks) I already don’t remember my life any other way, and I don’t care to. Maybe the three of us are laughing a lot because we’re delirious and sleep-deprived, but I like to think it’s because we’re stupidly in love with our little boy.
Maybe the three of us are laughing a lot because we’re delirious and sleep-deprived, but I like to think it’s because we’re stupidly in love with our little boy.
Are you expecting a baby of your own anytime soon? Is there anything you can relate to? Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
Anna
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